88 and/or grief hitting differently during a pandemic

my father would've been 88 today. i'm not entirely convinced he would've lived to 88, given his health issues and, y'know, systemic racism, but part of me likes to think he would've made it. i would've liked to see how our relationship continued to progress once i finished college. there was a definite shift once i turned 18 from "this is how i'm raising you" to "this is how i raised you" even though i was still under his roof and therefore following his rules. i can only wonder.

his birthday kinda snuck up on me this year. february into late march tends to be my annual time of blah due to birthdays and death anniversaries of people i love. i've been feeling anxious and sad and depressed but didn't think too much about it because, um, hi, we're still navigating our way through a pandemic. 

i have to remind myself (and my therapist has to remind me) that it's ok to be tired. to give myself grace. to feel whatever i'm feeling in the moment and do what's best for me. the degree of difficulty in doing that right now has definitely increased by...a lot. a metric fuck-ton, even. 

one thing that struck me last night is that i am usually super busy this time of year with concerts and plays and dance performances and museum visits and other social activities, all of which help me keep my mind off things and therefore lessen my desire/need to curl up into a ball and cry. can't really do that these days. on one hand, yay for having more time to sit with my feelings. on the other hand, ugh, more time to sit with my feelings. yes, i know virtual performances and events are options and yes, i've been taking advantage of those when/where i can, but we all know it's not the same. i'm actually signed up for a virtual talk this evening, with another tentatively penciled in for right after work, but i just want to go to bed. i'm sleepy and tired and exhausted and i'm having lots of feelings and leaving the house to do other things isn't the best option right now b/c cold and snow and covid. 

another thing that struck me last night? i don't have a copy of my mother's death certificate. i have my father's and i have one for james because i needed them for life insurance cash-out purposes back when i was (unsuccessfully) trying not to get evicted, but i don't have one for my mother. i guess i never needed it. i ordered a copy earlier because why not just lean into the morbid feelings when you've been crying off and on all morning? ugh, zero stars, do not recommend. 

we can all agree that grieving during a pandemic can and does look a bit differently than "usual." i know i've had conversations about how our coping mechanisms can only go so far b/c we can't gather together or travel or whatever like we used to. very few of us enjoy going to funerals, but not having the option to have a traditional service? it sucks. i reread what i wrote about grief in 2018 and while it's still true, it's also different. can't really meet your friends for drinks and food and hugs and conversation these days. i mean, i suppose you could if you and said friends are willing to take that risk and mask up and be socially distanced...which basically rules out hugs. sigh. 

it just occurred to me that pulaski day is on march 1 this year. march 1 is also the anniversary of my mother's death. luckily i have that day off b/c pulaski day is one of my favorite random holidays and thankfully i have enough vacation time to make that happen. luckily i made a reservation at the bar for that evening earlier this week. nice job, past me. way to be considerate!

so, yeah. grief is palpable and constant and i don't really have any advice or comforting thoughts right now, aside from muddle through it as best as you can. that's what i'm doing today. also today is national drink wine day so if that's something you're able and willing to do, feel free. i'll probably open a bottle as well. cheers. 

on: mutual aid

i've been thinking about mutual aid lately. not so much the networks/societies that have popped up and/or become more prevalent during the pandemic, but a more...i dunno...organic version. for me, it's more a notion of "if i have, you have." 

as i was pondering this the other night, it occurred to me that i learned this from my father, but not in any sort of overt kind of way. if you were hungry, he'd feed you. i don't think i really appreciated this while he was alive, but it's really been sinking in the past few weeks/months/years. whenever he came to visit me at nu, there was food involved. if i went home for a break or a weekend or even just for a day, i'd come back to the dorms with food. it didn't matter if i'd just been home or if he'd just been up for a visit the week before. "i see you, i love you, here's some food and maybe $20 if you want to order more food" seemed to be a prevailing theme. hey, remember when $20 seemed like a near-fortune in terms of ordering food? those were the days...

and it wasn't just me and it wasn't just food. one of his girlfriends needed to do laundry, so he went and picked her up so she could use our washer and dryer. never mind the fact that he "accidentally" locked her in the basement when another one of his girlfriends showed up unannounced. she needed help, he was in a position to help, problem solved. (if i remember correctly, girlfriend #2 left before girlfriend #1 tried to come back upstairs, but this was decades ago and my memory is fuzzy, lol)

it can be challenging, especially right now, to offer support when so many people are struggling. how do you choose? how much can you afford to give? is it even worth giving if it's a small amount? (yes.)

obviously you should do whatever makes sense and is comfortable for you. for me, it might be using what i'd normally spend on a weekend's bar tabs to virtually "tip" my bartender boos or donate to a couple of fundraisers. even before the pandemic, i'd sometimes buy extra groceries to share with un(der)employed friends. i miss showing up at the bar with snacks or the occasional dinner for all of us to enjoy. you need to eat? cool. let's eat. you want a drink or 2? that can totally be arranged. we might have to do it at a socially acceptable distance while wearing masks, but if you need and i have, let's try to figure something out.

do what you can, where you are, with what you have, for who you love. the "who" can be friends and family, or your favorite bar/restaurant staff, or people you haven't met irl but still feel a sense of community with, or some other definition. 

i realize this is sorta kinda preaching to the choir because almost all of y'all are doing this in some shape form or fashion, but it's good to have a reminder every once in a while, no? 

miss y'all. love y'all. try to stay as well as possible. 😊

on: loyalty

one of the "fun" things about interviewing for internal positions is that i feel less pressure than, say, a more traditional interview. don't get me wrong, interviews are still stressful, especially when you're worried about potential background noise and/or functional headphones while on zoom (yes, both of these things came into play today), but interviewing while you're already employed in a job you don't hate makes it a bit easier, imo.

i was asked today to name one of my enduring qualities. shut up. i know i have lots of them, but this question was part of an interview and therefore we're keeping it professional. 

i thought about it for a moment and decided on loyalty. it really started to resonate while i was explaining my answer, so much so that i made myself a note to post about it here. sorry about the lack of posts, btw. my heart was in the right place but, y'know, life.

anyway...loyalty. if i count you as part of my circle/friends/family/network, that's it. i will be your biggest supporter/cheerleader/sounding board/co-conspirator/etc. unless and until there's a reason for me not to be. same goes at work. if there's a way for me to help a teammate out and i can do it without jeopardizing my own workload? sure, count me in. yes, those have been famous last words at times.

the interviewer seemed to like my answer so yay? it'll probably be a few weeks before i know anything more, so stay tuned.

hope y'all had a pleasant *insert november/december holiday of your choice here*! 😀

happy halloween!

nothing particularly spooky to share, given that current events are scary enough. surgery on monday went well. my recovery room nurses have both called and sent a card to check on me, which made me a little weepy. also got a care package yesterday from a friend that definitely made it dusty in here. i'm so grateful for the circle of friends and family i've built up through the years. y'all are the best.

and now it's september

today is september 21. you know what that means.

this is really just me checking in to say that i'm still here. everything is still a dumpster fire clusterfuck. i think that's true for a lot of us - everything is still terrible but we're still here, trying to do the best we can with what we have. 

i made a few new to me recipes for meal prep. this grilled wedge-salad slaw was fun because it never would have occurred to me to use cabbage for a wedge salad. also made some honey-lime drumsticks since i had everything except limes (which were on sale for 10 cents each at jewel!). this buffalo pasta had been on my radar for a while and i finally got around to it. not sure it needed all the extra cooking liquid, though. 

i also made this balsamic roasted zucchini with feta last week and omg so good. i used yellow squash and zucchini because they were both on sale and i'm already thinking about making it again. 

hope y'all are doing as well as possible.

holy crap it's august

seriously. august. how? when? what? 

this week in adulting so far:

• monday - got my latest breast mri results back and all is well

• tuesday - finally rescheduled my fibroid surgery (which was supposed to happen in june but, y'know, pandemic) for late october. managed not to throw up from nerves after i finished that phone call.

• today - james would've been 58 today. he's been on my mind a lot lately which makes sense, given the whole birthday thing, and i'm glad that i still have so many great memories. gonna treat myself to bacon burgers and a virtual whiskey tasting later, not necessarily in his honor, but because i deserve nice things and james would support me on this.

in other news, bourbon women's annual conference is going virtual this year. you should register. it's free! it's next week! i know the "curated for women, by women" tagline may be problematic for some folks, and i wish it was a more inclusive slogan, but please know that everyone 21+ is welcome. well, as long as you're not an raging asshole. you can stay away. life is stressful enough, especially right now. no one wants or needs that energy.

hope y'all are staying as safe and healthy as possible. love y'all. mean it. 💜

june is bustin' out all over

today is sunday, june 7. prince would've been 62 today. nikki giovanni is 77 years old today. gwendolyn brooks would've been 103 (!) today. it's also my friend stephanie's birthday today. i love that so many of my faves share(d) a birthday. i tweeted a couple of my favorite poems by gwendolyn brooks and nikki giovanni earlier today. there are so many songs by prince that i love that i'm not even going to try to post a favorite or a top 5 or a top 10 or a top whatever.

interestingly enough, i haven't listened to any prince today. i also haven't cried (yet) today, so there may be a correlation. doubt it, though. super bowl xx is on as i type and i have so many memories of watching this game with my father and we're two weeks away from father's day, so it's entirely possible that i'll shed some tears before the day is over.

i've been crying a lot lately. primarily tears of anger, of sadness, of frustration, of sheer wtf-ness. there have been a few happy tears splashed in, but not many.

the past week or so has been rough. not just for me, obviously, but for umpteen others. this is my blog, though, so i'm gonna be a bit selfish and focus on me here. it's been rough on me and for me. if you reached out to ask if i was ok, i more than likely told you that i was safe and exhausted. that's still true. i'm safe. i'm exhausted. i slept for 5 straight hours the other night and woke up confused and thankful because it's been so long since i've done that. but i didn't say, and i'm still not quite able to say, that i'm ok. i'm working on it. trying to keep myself together enough to approximate something that could be construed as ok, but i'm not there yet. you're probably not there yet either. we can be not ok together, as long as you're good with social distancing because yes, virginia, there is still a pandemic going on.

i hope you're all doing as well as you possibly can be right now. that you and yours are safe. that you're remembering to try to eat. to stay hydrated. to do what you can to support the movement. my protesting/frontline days are long behind me, but i can still make a few donations and sign some petitions and signal boost on twitter and instagram when and where i can. there's more than enough work for everyone. figure out what you can do and do it. maybe you need to read more about how to be an anti-racist. maybe you need to diversify your charitable giving. maybe you need to, and are able to, have those difficult conversations (online or off) with family and friends about their repugnantly racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/classist/colorist/etc. viewpoints.

looking for some ideas on how and where to get started? i have a few suggestions. this is by no means an exhaustive list and not everything will apply to everyone.

do you like whisk(e)y? here's a list of black-owned whisky brands. also, if you're not a member of bourbon women (open to all gender identities), you should get on that. i'm a co-ambassador of the chicago branch and dusted off my PR hat long enough to write this statement. it has proper capitalization and everything!

do you like beer? are you in the chicago area? one of my favorite people worked with haymarket beer to make harold's '83 honey ale. here's a recent interview they did about the need for diversity and inclusion in craft beer.

are you a northwestern alum or otherwise affiliated with the university? check out this student-initiated petition to divest from law enforcement.

are you in a financial position to make a donation or two or ten? here, in no particular order, is where some of my money has gone recently:

• black lives matter chicago
• sista afya community mental wellness
• a queer pride chicago
• justice for breonna taylor
• assata's daughters

love y'all. mean it.

happy...easter?...sunday?

i checked. it's sunday and it's easter.

so, um, hi! it's been a while. we're all sheltering in place and limiting our trips outside and being as cautious as possible when we do go outside, right? right.

i got back from new orleans about 4 weeks ago and it honestly feels like a lifetime ago. the bourbon festival i was planning to attend there was canceled the night before i left home, as were other large-scale events scheduled for that weekend, but it was still nice to take a break from chicago for a few days. i got back right before bars & restaurants closed down. i went to the office on march 17 to pick up files i needed and haven't been back since. at this point, i wouldn't be surprised if i'm not back in the office until mid to late may at the earliest.

i'm staying at home in my own apartment. i have food and booze and books and cable and internet and bandanas to cover my face with and toilet paper and paper towels and napkins and clorox wipes (seriously, god bless the inventor of clorox wipes). i've been able to support some of my favorite places and people via various fundraisers and ordering food/booze for delivery. as much as i love cooking and meal prepping, it's nice to take a break every once in a while.

speaking of breaks - i'm hungry and my lunch has arrived. y'all stay safe & healthy.

happy new year!

yeah, i know it's february, but it's my first post of 2020 and therefore i can totally get away with saying it.

i brought in the new year by partying hard with andrew w.k. and then coming home to my neighbors marking the beginning of legalized weed in illinois. i still want to know which of them partakes (because i'm pretty sure it's more than one) so we can all hang out. i'll bring the doritos.

meal prep is still going strong. i kinda slacked off on recipe reviews because, well, lazy, but i'll get back to that at some point. you haven't missed much. promise.

what else is happening? i'm serving as a co-ambassador of bourbon women chicago this year, so if you haven't joined or aren't following us on instagram/facebook or aren't on our mailing list, you should do that. don't let the "women" in the name fool you - as i've said before, we're open to people of all gender expressions and identities. are you human? do you want to drink bourbon with other humans? come hang!

oh, and i got promoted at work. still feels kinda weird, tbh. like, who am i? who is this person with a full-time job and a steady income and an apartment they don't have to vacate anytime soon? is this real life? i mean, i just renewed my lease for another year, so yay for that as well, but still...huh?

so, yeah. i originally wrote this just as the senate acquitted the orange doofus who lives on pennsylvania avenue, so saying that the world is still a dumpster fire isn't remotely close to an understatement. i have no idea what 2020 is going to bring. i just hope we make it through as unscathed as possible.

on: 43

barring any technical difficulties, this post will go live on my 43rd birthday. happy birthday to me! this was another year of me not planning any major activities, primarily because i didn't really have the energy to deal with the logistics of a group outing. my calendar has been booked pretty solid the past few months and it's nice to not have to do all of the things. hell, i spent the first few days of this year's birthday vacation running errands and going to doctor's appointments. i'm trying to be better about taking breaks so i don't wear myself down/out. 

i'm also trying to be better about acknowledging and being thankful for progress, despite the current state of affairs...well, everywhere. also it's the end of the decade and if you've been around for a while, then you know how tumultuous the past decade has been. it's not bragging to say that i've come a long way. my therapist caught me trying to underplay my accomplishments and they rightly called me out. it's totally ok to be pleased with progress while still pondering potential improvements. it's also ok to be pleased with how i'm feeling right now without needing to achieve more. 

it's already been 2 years since i moved into this apartment. i honestly don't know where the time went. bills are paid and i have copious food and beverage options handy. work has been bonkers lately but i can't control any of it, so i'm trying to ride it out and see what happens. it's great to even have that option. it's also great to have my circle of friends and family grow even stronger over time. 

what's next? good question. definitely continued shenanigans and fuckery with my friends. hopefully weeping with joy and not abject sorrow on election night. i'll likely be having another surgery to deal with my fibroids. i'll still be involved with bourbon women chicago, so if you're 21+ and want to learn more about bourbon, you should join now so you're ready for 2020. (memberships also make great gifts!) (also don't let the "women" part deter you - there are men in our group. if you identify otherwise, you are still and always welcome.) 

what else? i dunno. my therapist asked if i was going to make resolutions for 2020. i said i usually don't make resolutions so much as i try to keep moving in a positive direction. that obviously means something different for everyone, so your mileage will definitely vary. 

but first, i am going to celebrate my birthday. and yes, the celebration will continue through mlk day because why not? i deserve nice things occasionally. 😀

recipe reviews: roasted sweet potatoes with smoked paprika and simple asian & latin holiday pork loin

another weekend, another round of meal prep. this will probably be the last meal prep i do before thanksgiving, which kinda freaked me out even though i've been prepping for thanksgiving for at least a week if not longer, lol.

i saw that sweet potatoes were going to be on sale, so i went looking for ideas. this recipe (a log-in may be required) for roasted sweet potatoes with smoked paprika looked promising. if you follow me on twitter, then you may have seen my post on friday night when i realized that i'd added a 1/2 tablespoon of salt instead of the 1/2 teaspoon called for in the recipe. oops. christin shared this article about adding acid to oversalted food, so i added a 1/2 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar at the end. oh, and i'm pretty sure i used 3 garlic cloves instead of 2. not sorry. the final product wasn't as salty as i feared it would be.

the pork loin recipe comes from a marshall field's...i mean macy's culinary council event i attended last year? a couple years ago? i can't remember. at any rate, chef bill kim had a recipe for a "simple asian and latin holiday pork loin" that i was thinking about trying for thanksgiving until i decided on something else. jewel had boneless pork loins on sale, so i figured why not try it now? i can't find the recipe online anywhere, so here it is:

ingredients

• 2 tablespoons sweet paprika
• 2 tablespoons dried oregano
• 2 tablespoons dark chili powder
• 2 tablespoons madras curry powder
• 1/4 cup kosher salt
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar
• 15 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 3 lbs. boneless pork loin

directions

1. place the pork loin in a large, shallow dish. pour 1 cup of the marinade over and turn to coat evenly. cover and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours but if you have time, let it marinate overnight.
2. remove the shallow dish with pork from the refrigerator for 20 minutes or until room temperature.
3. preheat the oven at 375℉ and cook 45 minutes to an hour or until the internal temperature of the pork loin is 145℉.
4. transfer the pork loin to a cutting board and let rest for 20 minutes. cut the pork loin against the grain into thin slices and arrange it on a serving platter.

i had 2 pork loins that totaled about 4 pounds, so i adjusted the marinade and used 3 tablespoons each of paprika, oregano, and curry powder. i didn't realize i was running low on chili powder so i only used 2 tablespoons of that since that's what i had left. kept the salt as is and used a 1/3 cup each of vinegar and olive oil. the garlic cloves i had were on the larger side so i only used 16 cloves instead of the 15. (is there anyone out there who doesn't add more garlic to a recipe?)

i marinated the pork for about 12 hours and cooked it for an hour last night. it probably could've come out a few minutes early but i was watching hockey and that's what had happened. the flavors are great, though, and that's what's important here. i wonder if i could use garlic powder instead of fresh garlic and make this in a crockpot. 

recipe review: fried rice with zucchini, tomatoes, and parmesan

me, making my grocery list: "ooh, zucchini's on sale! i wonder what i can make with it?"

i was already on my laptop, so i checked my folder of recipes (not to be confused with the binders of hard copy recipes on my bookshelf) and found this fried rice recipe. i skipped the red pepper flakes, used 4 garlic cloves instead of 3, used a 1/4 teaspoon of dried thyme instead of fresh, and 3 bowls of microwavable brown rice that i just added to the skillet. skipped the parsley and scrambled 2 eggs because i am not a fan of fried eggs.

i like this a lot and will probably make it again, possibly with the addition of cooked chicken or shrimp depending on how i'm feeling.

recipe review: skillet-roasted chicken and veggies

i'm no longer within walking distance of one of my preferred spice shops, but thanks to the magic of the interwebz, i can stock up on spices without needing to make a special trip to lincoln square. one of the spice kits i added to my most recent order was for this skillet-roasted chicken & veggies. i bought the veggies and made it as part of my meal prep this weekend.

i think i used 7-8 garlic cloves total - half in the marinade for the chicken and the other half for the veggies. i had 4 bone-in chicken thighs so that's what i used in place of the 2 chicken leg quarters. i roasted everything for 45 minutes and, once i pulled the skillet out of the oven, realized that i should've put the skillet on the lower oven rack and not the upper one because the chicken was blackened and the veggies were way darker than depicted in the recipe. the chicken was a little dry, but i'm sure that's because i left it in the oven for longer than the recipe indicated. the veggies were tender and the sauce is delicious, so i'd probably make this again and adjust the cooking time accordingly.

recipe review: teriyaki tilapia with herb salad

i spent a rainy saturday afternoon/evening doing meal prep and drinking wine. it was nice because i've been doing all of the things and i needed some quality time at home. i made a batch of my beloved muffin tin frittatas with red bell pepper, scallions, smoked cheddar, and chicken & bacon sausage from big fork. i had smoked sausage and frozen broccoli on hand, which seemed like a sign to make smoked sausage & broccoli. i had some leftover mixed veggies from a previous meal so i dumped those in as well because why not? also made some roasted carrots with this honey ginger white balsamic vinegar that i picked up during my trip to wisconsin earlier this month. 

i'd picked up some frozen tilapia from target and also had some leftover teriyaki sauce from the last recipe i tried out. this teriyaki tilapia with herb salad sounded easy enough, so i made it for dinner saturday night and had some leftovers with roasted carrots tonight. i used microwavable brown rice since it's a pantry staple of mine. once the rice was warm, i put it in a bowl and added a teaspoon each of dried cliantro and dried basil. i only used a 1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper and i definitely felt it, lol. i think i threw in 3 scallions that i'd sliced, and the juice of 1 lime. the fish itself was kinda blah even though i sprinkled some pepper on each piece before basting with the teriyaki sauce. gotta break out some sort of garlic next time, maybe? i'd make the rice again, though.

recipe review: slow-cooker sesame turkey wraps

i'd had my eye on this one for a while and decided to give it a try for meal prep purposes. i can't seem to find the exact version of the recipe i clipped from the magazine, but this one is a close enough version for this purpose. the ingredient list for the original version goes like this:

• 3 1/2 pounds bone-in turkey or chicken thighs, skin removed
• 1 cup prepared sesame stir-fry sauce or teriyaki sauce
• 1/4 cup water
• 1 16-ounce package broccoli slaw mix
• 12 8-inch tortillas, preferably whole-wheat, warmed
• 3/4 sliced scallions

i used chicken thighs because i already had some in the freezer. i couldn't find a sesame stir-fry sauce so i went with teriyaki instead. my package of broccoli slaw mix was only 12 ounces instead of 16 ounces, and i skipped the tortillas and scallions.

i seasoned the chicken with black pepper and garlic powder before putting them in the slow cooker, because, well, why not? i didn't use any salt because i didn't know how salty the teriyaki sauce would be and i figured i could always add salt later. i cooked the chicken on high for 3 hours, let it cool for about 20 minutes or so before removing the bones and shredding the meat, and then let the chicken/slaw mixture sit in the crockpot for...i dunno, 15 minutes or so before transferring it to a container?

i would definitely make this again. so far this week, i've tried it with leftover fried rice (win) and leftover roasted potatoes (also win). i'm a fan of stir-fries in general so this was really right up my alley. i'd be interested in trying it with turkey thighs to see if there are any noticeable differences in taste/texture. i might also add some onion powder to the seasoning step because again, why not?

recipe reviews: farmers' market pasta and bacon-braised green beans

farmers' market season is winding down, and i knew this weekend might be one of my last chances to get out to a market. i'd had this pasta recipe in mind for a while and decided to buy whatever ingredients i could at the farmers market. i used 3 ears of corn instead of 2 because corn was 50 cents each or 3 ears for $1 and, well, i like a deal. i picked up both parmesan and asiago because they both tasted delicious and i couldn't decide which one i wanted. i didn't get multicolored cherry tomatoes because the vendor i bought them from didn't have different varieties available. i also used the whole 16 ounce box of cavatappi because i lost track and decided to just dump the whole box in. that said, this made way more than the 4 servings listed in the recipe. i had some for dinner tonight and was quite pleased.

i also decided to try this recipe for bacon-braised green beans. (the 2nd link will require a login, btw.) i did not buy fresh thyme because the recipe only calls for a teaspoon and i knew i wouldn't be using thyme for anything else i was making, so i used a 1/4 teaspoon of dried thyme instead. oh, and i had "regular" bacon instead of thick-cut bacon. also added some garlic powder because y'all know i rarely trust recipes that don't call for any garlic whatsoever. i had to increase my cook time in step 2 because the beans weren't as tender as i wanted after the initial 12 minutes. i think i went maybe 20 minutes in total? i was pleased with the few bites i tried after i made it. we'll see how i feel after the flavors have more time to meld and hang out.

recipe review: skillet cabbage & sausage

while making my grocery list last week, i saw that green cabbage was going to be on sale. i had a vague memory of clipping a new (to me) recipe that involved cabbage, so off i went to my recipe binders. turns out my memory served me correctly. i had this recipe on file for skillet cabbage & sausage and i knew i had some mild italian sausage in the freezer. win!

i substituted 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg for the grated nutmeg, and i eyeballed some dried thyme for the fresh thyme. i had exactly 4 cloves of garlic on hand and minced all of them for this recipe. i used maybe a tablespoon of olive oil throughout the cooking process.

i made this on thursday night but didn't actually eat any of it until tonight, so the flavors have had time to get acquainted and meld. i'm pleased. if i make this again, i might try some pre-chopped cabbage or a package of cabbage slaw to save a bit of time and effort.

on: toni morrison

and she was loved. 

lord knows i wasn't planning on my first "serious" post in months being about toni morrison's passing, but here we are. i saw the toni morrison documentary a few weeks ago and fell in love with her artistry all over again. not that i'd ever fallen out of love with her work, mind you. y'know how sometimes you're reminded of how incredibly awesome one of your favorite artists is and you realize that yes, you must continue to stan? it was one of those moments.

and she was loved.

a friend texted me this morning to check on me because they'd heard the news and knew i'd be upset. i hadn't actually seen or heard anything until i checked twitter after that text and i totally cried on the bus en route to work. i texted another friend to check in on them because i knew they'd be just as, if not more, devastated as i was in that moment. then i got to thinking about my circle of friends and twitter and how we check in on each other whenever things like this happen and i was kinda ok for a bit. i have a postcard of this 1974 image of toni morrison posted on my cube wall and it made me smile even though seeing it made me teary all over again.

and she was loved. 

then i got to thinking about her books on my shelf, including this recent find, and i cackled because what the hell else could i do in that moment? seriously, if y'all knew how much i paid for that first edition, you'd cackle right along with me.

and she was loved.

"paradise" came out during my senior year at northwestern. i remember sitting in the suite (o hai 2-red!) literally yelling at the book because it wasn't making sense to me. i was no stranger to toni morrison's work at that point, but this book was giving me fits. i was spending hours on sentences and paragraphs when, if left to my own devices and time and life permitting, i could finish reading a novel in a matter of hours. to be honest, i'm still not sure i understood all of "paradise." i remember wanting cliffsnotes for the book because i just knew that i was missing something. but that was part of the joy of toni morrison's writing - she could draw you in and keep you there even though you knew good and well that you were out of your league.

and she was loved.

toni morrison really was loved, y'all. by me and by so many others. i hope she knew just how much we loved her. appreciated her. owed so much of our reading and writing lives and habits to her.

and she was loved.

recipe reviews: southern-style oven-fried chicken and corn with bacon vinaigrette

*blows dust off of login*

so, um, it's been a while, huh? adulting has been one helluva trip lately, as evidenced by the fact that apparently i haven't tried any new recipes in more than 2 months. it's entirely possible that i just forgot to post one, but it's also possible that i haven't tried anything new. oh well. i'm here now, right? right. maybe one of these days i'll write about something that isn't related to recipes. possibly. no promises.

southern-style oven-fried chicken: who decides to make oven-fried chicken in the summer in an apartment that doesn't have central air? o hai, it me. when i saw this recipe, i knew i already had chicken thighs in the freezer and most of the spices on hand, so it'd just be a matter of buying buttermilk during a grocery shopping trip. it should come as no surprise that i basically doubled the garlic powder. i was worried about this being bland, so i added a 1/2 teaspoon or so of creole seasoning, along with a 1/2 teaspoon or so of the seasoning blend i use as an "all-purpose" or "seasoned salt." the last 1/4 teaspoon of salt was added to the panko mixture instead of sprinkling it on the chicken as called for in step 3 of the recipe. i may have had better luck with the breading if i actually used a shallow dish instead of a ziploc bag, but otherwise? i could see myself making this again in cooler weather. one bonus of having the oven cranked all the way up? i roasted some broccoli (with olive oil and lemon pepper seasoning) while waiting for the oven to reach 475°. win.

corn with bacon vinaigrette: sure, fine, give me another excuse to go to the farmers market. almost anything with corn and bacon is going to get my attention because, well, corn and bacon. i used 3 ears of corn, 4 slices of "regular cut" bacon (because i rarely if ever have thick-cut bacon on hand), and eyeballed some dried basil in step 5 of the recipe because no, i was not going to commit to an entire bunch of basil for one recipe. shouts to the vendor at the farmers market who let me buy one shallot instead of a whole entire bunch that i knew good and well i wouldn't use before they went bad. i have to admit to being a bit worried about this one, since the bacon didn't seem to be crisping up as much as i would normally like. i might actually cut back on the nutmeg and add the salt with the corn to see what impact that has on the flavor. it tasted fine, but i think there's room for improvement.

recipe review: spicy broiled tilapia with lime

i was making my grocery list last night and saw that tilapia was on sale. i haven't had much seafood lately, so i added tilapia to my list. then, of course, i had to think about how i was going to prepare said tilapia. these fish cakes are a favorite of mine, but i wanted to try something different. off to the recipe binders i went.

this broiled tilapia recipe seemed easy enough, especially since i had everything on hand except the fish and a lime. yes, i used the whole teaspoon of cayenne pepper. i didn't measure the black pepper so it was probably less than the 1/2 teaspoon called for in the recipe. the fish definitely has a bit of a kick but nothing too overpowering. there's some leftover so it'll be interesting to see if the spices mellow out or get stronger over time. i'd make this again, maybe subbing chili powder for some of the cayenne pepper.