sometimes i'll come across a recipe and i'll put it to the side to make eventually. this shrimp and broccoli rotini recipe was one i'd knew i'd be making sooner rather than later, especially since i had everything on hand except the shrimp. when quasi-landlord mentioned that she'd seen shrimp on sale at mariano's this week, it was time.
i used whole wheat fusilli instead of rotini b/c that's what was on hand. same goes for using frozen broccoli (shoutout to those giant bags of frozen broccoli at costco). the shrimp were 31-40 count and i wasn't motivated enough to take the tails off before making the dish. i used the zest and the juice of a whole lemon because lemon and shrimp and broccoli are awesome. i also added a clove of crushed garlic because garlic is also awesome and there wasn't any in this recipe which had to be an oversight. salt & pepper to taste, and even though i made this after lunch and therefore i'm not even remotely hungry right now, i had to take a couple bites. nom. would make again. would possibly add some white wine because that seems like something that would be delicious.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Monday, August 10, 2015
unhappy birthdays
lori would have been 54 on tuesday. james would have been 53 on wednesday. this is the first year without both of them around. that realization hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks this weekend, and i've been reeling ever since.
as accustomed as i am to dealing with the death of loved ones, i am still a bit angry over losing two of my favorite family members. lori wasn't technically family, in the sense that we shared no blood relations (that any of us knew about, anyway), but i claimed her like she was mine and she definitely claimed my family like it was hers.
every summer, lori would start in on what she wanted for her birthday. she'd remind us that her birthday was the day before james' and therefore we had no excuse for forgetting it.
y'all know me. i forgot it on a regular basis and she loved me anyway.
i didn't call them nearly as often i as probably should have, but james and lori loved me anyway. flaws and all, faults and all, fuckups and all.
their faith and their grace astonish me to this day. they loved god and while james wasn't as demonstrative as lori was about it, you knew. it wasn't a secret. it was nice to have that balance, actually, between auntie lori catching the holy ghost, complete with what i like to call "praise giggles," and "uncle" james, posted up somewhere quietly, at least by comparison, acknowledging his blessings.
their grace in how they dealt with their illnesses. how they never lost faith. how they inspired, and continue to inspire, so many of us to keep going. this is not to say that they didn't suffer, because they did. that they didn't complain, because they did. there was occasional wallowing because they were human and they were hurting and they were strong enough to admit when they were feeling weak.
i didn't visit james and lori nearly as much as i should have during their multiple hospital stays. they knew me and my hangups about hospitals and loved me anyway, even as i kept my distance.
james died 6 years ago and there are times when the pain is still as fresh as it was when i first found out. lori's death is only 6 months old and i still had her phone numbers in my phone until maybe a month or so ago.
it really, really sucks that they're not around anymore and, as you may have guessed, i am not dealing well with these birthdays this year. i am angry and confused and stressed about so many things and knowing that lori and james aren't around, even it i wasn't actively reaching out to them in that moment, really fucking sucks.
you see why i'm trying to aspire to their levels of grace and faith? life is really fucking difficult and while i am thankful to have james & lori as examples to look up to, i would much rather have them here. i know i'm lucky to have had such wonderful people in my life. it's just that sometimes, like this week, i wish that they'd gotten to stick around a little bit longer.
instead, i will keep working on developing and strengthening the crazy faith i need to deal with the lack of serenity that is my life. my brother is with me wherever i go, since it's his chain that i wear around my neck. lori's never far away, because i swear her spirit is just that big and, if i listen close enough, i can hear her laughing and talking shit and praising god all without missing a beat.
god, grant me the grace and wisdom to keep working on the crazy faith i need to confront the lack of serenity. may it be enough. amen.
as accustomed as i am to dealing with the death of loved ones, i am still a bit angry over losing two of my favorite family members. lori wasn't technically family, in the sense that we shared no blood relations (that any of us knew about, anyway), but i claimed her like she was mine and she definitely claimed my family like it was hers.
every summer, lori would start in on what she wanted for her birthday. she'd remind us that her birthday was the day before james' and therefore we had no excuse for forgetting it.
y'all know me. i forgot it on a regular basis and she loved me anyway.
i didn't call them nearly as often i as probably should have, but james and lori loved me anyway. flaws and all, faults and all, fuckups and all.
their faith and their grace astonish me to this day. they loved god and while james wasn't as demonstrative as lori was about it, you knew. it wasn't a secret. it was nice to have that balance, actually, between auntie lori catching the holy ghost, complete with what i like to call "praise giggles," and "uncle" james, posted up somewhere quietly, at least by comparison, acknowledging his blessings.
their grace in how they dealt with their illnesses. how they never lost faith. how they inspired, and continue to inspire, so many of us to keep going. this is not to say that they didn't suffer, because they did. that they didn't complain, because they did. there was occasional wallowing because they were human and they were hurting and they were strong enough to admit when they were feeling weak.
i didn't visit james and lori nearly as much as i should have during their multiple hospital stays. they knew me and my hangups about hospitals and loved me anyway, even as i kept my distance.
james died 6 years ago and there are times when the pain is still as fresh as it was when i first found out. lori's death is only 6 months old and i still had her phone numbers in my phone until maybe a month or so ago.
it really, really sucks that they're not around anymore and, as you may have guessed, i am not dealing well with these birthdays this year. i am angry and confused and stressed about so many things and knowing that lori and james aren't around, even it i wasn't actively reaching out to them in that moment, really fucking sucks.
you see why i'm trying to aspire to their levels of grace and faith? life is really fucking difficult and while i am thankful to have james & lori as examples to look up to, i would much rather have them here. i know i'm lucky to have had such wonderful people in my life. it's just that sometimes, like this week, i wish that they'd gotten to stick around a little bit longer.
instead, i will keep working on developing and strengthening the crazy faith i need to deal with the lack of serenity that is my life. my brother is with me wherever i go, since it's his chain that i wear around my neck. lori's never far away, because i swear her spirit is just that big and, if i listen close enough, i can hear her laughing and talking shit and praising god all without missing a beat.
god, grant me the grace and wisdom to keep working on the crazy faith i need to confront the lack of serenity. may it be enough. amen.
Friday, August 07, 2015
friends in low places, high places, and everywhere in between
funny how the universe works sometimes. i wrote that last post a couple of weeks ago and i swear that for almost every single day since then, i have have some sort of positive interaction with a friend of mine, whether in person or online or via text. if i was so inclined, i could sit here and look at my calendar from the past 2 weeks or so and point to each day and say "here's when i ran into so-and-so," or "i hung out with such-and-such," or "person xyz emailed or texted me and it made me smile."
my heart gets so damn full when things like that happen, and i try to use that as motivation to keep going. not gonna lie, though - i am tired. like right now, as i type this, i am waiting for the rest of my laundry to finish so i can fold it and put it away and then go the fuck to sleep for as long as i am able.
this is all part of the work. i swear i say that out loud to myself at least once a week. it's nice to be able to see the good in the midst of the madness, though. y'all keep me going in ways i can't articulate right now because did i mention that i'm fucking exhausted?
y'all be good.
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