80

my father would've been 80 years old today. the last time i saw him alive was on february 18, 1997. he'd been in the hospital for weeks, one of his legs had been amputated, and during our damn near daily calls at that point, i'd gotten the feeling that he was hanging on by the proverbial thread and i wanted to say my goodbyes in person.

i recruited my then-bff to trek from northwestern down to trinity hospital with me. here's something you might not know about me - hospitals make me claustrophobic. if i'm in a hospital for longer than, say, 90 minutes, my skin starts tingling and it becomes more difficult for me to breathe normally. i'm sure any therapist worth their degrees would tell you that it's due to the fact that my mom was hospitalized when i was young and she never came home, but i'd made my peace with it and therefore knew i needed to operate on the buddy system.

i can't remember if i told anyone that i was coming to see daddy on his birthday. i probably didn't tell daddy b/c i wanted to surprise him, daddy's girl that i was, and still am, grown-ass woman status be damned. maybe i told james? i honestly don't remember. i'm sure someone was there when then-bff and i arrived.

i don't remember if daddy and i had a conversation. it's possible i just sat there with him. it's more than likely that i cried a little. i do know that during that visit, i realized that it would be the last time i'd see him alive, b/c it was just too painful for me to see him in that much agony. so i said goodbye. not out loud, and not in a way that would freak any of my family members out. but silently. softly. almost prayer-like. i do remember telling god that if it was indeed daddy's time to go, that i'd be ok with it as long as he didn't have to suffer anymore.

and i left, not only b/c my goodbyes were done but b/c i was starting to shake and itch and my breathing was getting a little on the shallow side and then-bff knew enough to get me the hell out of there so i could get some fresh air and not pass out.

when daddy died about a week later, i wasn't shocked. i was sad, of course, and probably a little pissed off despite the previous talk i'd had with god about it, but not shocked.

it's 16 years later, and if you had told me then all of the ways that i would take after my father now, i would've laughed in your face. you would've been accurate, though. there are some days when i surprise myself with how alike we were/are. maybe it's a function of getting old(er). maybe some of those traits were there all along and they're just becoming more pronounced. i don't know and i'm not really sure if i care. when memories and mannerisms are all you have to cling to, the particulars aren't really important...which is probably a good thing in daddy's case b/c the man, god bless him, had his flaws and faults.

i'm not going to write about those flaws and faults right now, though. it's hard enough getting through this time of year (daddy's birthday, the anniversary of daddy's death, the anniversary of my mom's death, the anniversary of james' death, and my mom's birthday - all w/in a month's span) without coming up with more reasons to cry and/or drive myself over the edge.

instead, i'll just say happy birthday to my father. may he continue to rest in peace. amen.

recipe review: broccoli and rice pilaf

i was catching up on dvr'd foodpr0n last night and saw this side dish, and since i had everything on hand except an onion, i decided to try it out tonight. i usually try not to make anything too complicated on sundays b/c by the time i get home from work, i'm exhausted and barely have energy to nuke anything for dinner, let alone make something from scratch.

this recipe, though? not too shabby. i added about a teaspoon of minced garlic (b/c y'all know that's how i roll) and a bit of black pepper b/c i realized there was no seasoning whatsoever in the original recipe, and i was pleased with the results. i'd make it again with the same substitutions.

it's not black music month, but it's close enough, i suppose

yeah, i know...february is black history month and black music month isn't until june, but since i've decided to open my 'home' up to y'all for the grammys on sunday, let's just try to make it work, shall we?

sunday, february 10. show up here anytime after, say, 6:15pm. the grammys start at 7. yes, ll cool j is hosting again. yes, i will be acting like a total fangirl complete with squealing and screaming with excitement b/c if you know nothing else about me, you know i love ll cool j almost as much as i love chocolate, reading, and quiet time to myself. :-)

and if you're a fan of old-school "soul train" episodes and wanna hang out with me and sjb while we start making our way through the damn near 30 episodes i have saved on the dvr, you're welcome to join us on saturday, february 9.

if you're interested in stopping by on saturday and/or sunday, please let me know asap. thanks. :-)

recipe review: autumn pierogies and apples

(non-food related content coming. i'm just too lazy right now to write the screed i've been pondering re: healthcare, but it's gonna happen. i promise.)

so, yeah. these sweet potato pierogies were on clearance at the store a while back, so i bought a box and stuck it in the freezer. i was flipping through my recipe folder and came across this one that i'd ripped out of a magazine, and i decided to try it out the other night.

for the first time in a long while, i didn't make any substitutions...and i was happy. i used 2 red delicious apples and 1 sweet yellow onion. i thought the cinnamon sour cream would be weird, but it was actually pretty nomtastic. i might make the cinnamon sour cream again just to put on bagels or toast or to dip apples in. i'll probably make the pierogies again, maybe with a different type of apple just for kicks.

2 recipes, 1 post: chicken and seafood edition

remember last week when i said that one of my next recipes would involve chicken thighs because i had a costco-sized package of them in the freezer?

well, i decided to try this chicken with mushroom sauce recipe since i had just about everything on hand except the mushrooms, so this was dinner last night (and lunch this afternoon). i used regular button mushrooms b/c that's what was available at the store yesterday. it will come as a shock to absolutely no one who reads these reviews that i added a bit of garlic. i think the package of chicken i used had 4 boneless skinless chicken thighs in it, which worked out perfectly for me. i also had half a bag of frozen green beans on hand, so i used that as my side dish/vegetable. the chicken and sauce turned out well, although i would've liked the sauce to be a bit thicker. still nom.

i still had orzo on hand, so this shrimp and crab al forno seemed like a good idea. yeah, this was one that was better on paper than in reality. i used lump crabmeat and about half a pound of 26/30 per pound shrimp. i also used shredded parmesan instead of grated, and 2% milk instead of 1%. (note: i grabbed one of those milk chugs thinking it was a standard 16 ounce bottle, and it turned out to be only 14 ounces. argh.) i can't really explain why i didn't like this, but i didn't. i'm kinda upset b/c i went to two stores and spent a sizable chunk of my grocery budget on the crabmeat alone. i don't see myself making this again. i'm glad i decided to make a quick spinach and tomato saute to go with it, though.

inauguration celebration & scurvy prevention

eta: if you haven't already talked to me about your plans to join me for mimosas on monday (hey, look, alliteration!), then please do so as soon as you can. thanks.

o hai!

i'd initially planned on hosting a brunch for inauguration day/mlk day (can i just tell y'all how tickled i am that those fall on the same day this year?), but then i came down with the plague and the thought of planning out a menu and buying supplies and all of that was just too much for me. last week, though, the spirit of crazy joe biden came to me and said that i should drink mimosas on inauguration day, and since i'm not one to ignore crazy joe, i decided to go with it.

so, instead of a brunch, i will be here in skokie drinking champagne and orange juice (hence the scurvy prevention) and toasting crazy joe. you're welcome to join the party. i figure folks can show up anytime after 10:30am and be ready to get kicked out around 8pm b/c i have a doctor's appointment the next morning and i'll need to start sobering up at some point. i'll have orange juice, champagne, and some sort of snacks (on snacks) available, but please feel free to byo food and/or beverage.

if you haven't made the trek to my skokie crashpad yet and need directions, let me know. obviously i'm not posting the address here, but this is why we have email and text, right? try to let me know sooner rather than later, please. kthx. :-)

books!

i just happened to glance at my pile of "waiting to be read" books a few minutes ago and, after my initial moment of squee due to some of the titles (nate silver's book, the most recent oprah's book club pick, a new cookbook, and a new book of poetry from bell hooks, among others), i realized that i didn't close out 2012 w/r/t the books i read. according to my spreadsheet, i read 146 books during 2012. that's down from my 2011 total of 209 books, but let's keep in mind that i was in nanny/mother's helper mode for the first 9 months of 2012, and that i started my job in june of 2012. holy hell i've had this job for a little more than 6 months now.

my spreadsheet also tells me that every single book i read in 2012 came from the library. i'm probably more impressed by that than i should be, but i am. libraries are awesome, and anyone who knows me knows that i've held that sentiment for way longer than i've held my current job.

so, yay for books! and now i will leave y'all with the video for "read a book" b/c it still makes me laugh. :-)

recipe review: orzo spinach soup

i wish i could remember who originally shared this recipe on twitter. alas, i just remember seeing it and saving it to my hard drive for later use. the other night, i realized that i had orzo on hand and wanted to do something different with it, so i decided to make this soup. it also didn't hurt that i'm still recovering from the plague a cold.

only a few substitutions in this one: i doubled the carrots b/c the ones i bought were a bit on the small side; i added seasoned salt throughout the cooking process and used a scant bit of crushed red pepper instead of chili flakes at the beginning; and i think i used about 2/3 cup of regular orzo (vs. the 1/2 cup whole-wheat orzo).

this might be my favorite recipe of the year so far. yes, i know i've only made three. it's also possible that my body is all "omg soup yay!" b/c i've been under the weather. i'd make it again, and would probably use chicken stock instead of vegetable stock (or maybe a 50/50 mix).

next up? probably something with chicken thighs, since they were on sale at costco today and now i have 3 ziploc bags of boneless skinless chicken thighs in the freezer. :P

recipe review: sausage and walnut stuffing

i was all set to try this recipe out last night, but whatever cold-like thing that's been floating around attacked me yesterday and by the time i got home from work, i just wanted to curl up under all of the blankets and stay there forever. i'm feeling slightly better today - not as achy and feverish as yesterday, but still some runny nose and coughing issues - so i decided to go for it.

i skipped the parsley b/c i didn't have any on hand, and i used about a teaspoon of dried sage instead of fresh. oh, and i used seasoned salt instead of salt & pepper.

verdict? i like the taste, but i wasn't crazy about the presentation. maybe if i'd used a corningware dish instead of a standard metal 9x13 pan, it would've looked better, but...meh.

recipe review: (a variation of) black-eyed peas and stewed collards

merry new year! hey, remember when northwestern won a bowl game, and it was amazing? oh, wait...that just happened yesterday. :D

since i was out watching football and drinking beer and hanging with friends, i wasn't able to cook the traditional collard greens and black-eyed peas new year's day meal. i'd decided last week that as long as collards and black-eyed peas were involved in the first meal i cooked in 2013, i'd still be in line for good luck and prosperity in the new year.

that said, i saw this recipe in a recent issue of one of my favorite magazines and decided to try it out tonight, with a few substitutions, of course. here's what i did differently:

--used 2 tablespoons of olive oil to saute the onions
--added about a tablespoon of garlic right before i put in the tomatoes/greens/water
--used a bag of pre-chopped collard greens. ignore the directions that say the greens are ready to cook. you will still need to go through the greens and discard any stems and/or pieces that just don't look right to you. i also gave the collards a quick rinse after i'd picked through all of them.
--instead of cooking the black-eyed peas separately, i added them to the greens about halfway through the cooking time (i set the timer for 20 minutes and stirred the greens every 5-7 minutes or so).

oh, and i skipped the seafood component entirely b/c nothing really looked good when i was buying ingredients the other day. instead, i made a flat iron steak that i bought from the fine folks at c&d family farms. you might know c&d for such nomz as the bacon burgers i've previously waxed poetic about. i seasoned the steak with a bit of spice rub that i had on hand. mmm...steak.

verdict: not bad. the collards still had a wee bit of crunch, which i was ok with. if you like your greens crunchier or more wilted, you could adjust the cooking time accordingly. i usually don't cook collards that often...as a matter of fact, i don't think i've made them since, well, last new year's day. that said, i probably won't make them again until next year, unless i really get a taste for them and/or i come across another recipe that i wanna try out.

here's hoping 2013 brings all kinds of happiness and joy and awesomeness to all of us. :-)

favorite songs from 2012

these are all songs that were added to my library in 2012. as opposed to previous lists, most of these songs were actually released this year, so i don't feel too guilty about including a couple of oldies, so to speak. there's no particular order going on here, btw.

if you're on spotify, you can listen to the list here. if you're not, or if you just want an actual cd b/c that's how you roll, let me know and i'll try to get you one sooner vs. later.

not quite a year in review, but close enough

happy almost 2013! i'm putting the finishing touches on my "favorite songs of 2012" playlist, but in the meantime, i decided to revisit some things i'd wanted to accomplish this year. you might remember earlier this year that i had a whole list of things that would be (back) in my life in 2012. i'm pleased to report that some of those things have happened. specifically:

--a smartphone with a data plan - aka my early birthday present to myself

--a trip to the dentist - ok, so technically this was a quasi-emergency visit b/c one of my teeth was giving me fits, but i'm counting it

--a job that doesn't suck - granted, it's part-time and there's no benefits, but yay books!

--arts/cultural/entertainment outings and live music (as in going to concerts more often) - these didn't happen as often as i would've liked, but something's better than nothing, i suppose

--dining out - the 2 best burgers i had this year were both at burger bar. the lobster fries at edzo's made me dance in my chair a little bit and it's possible that i shed a single tear of joy.

--disposable income - again, not as much as i'd like, but i am beyond grateful for having any at all.

--at least one trip to the casino, preferably on christmas eve for jesusjack - i can't believe i had the foresight to put this on my list, but it happened and i only lost $50, so i'm happy.

what will 2013 bring? hopefully a full-time job that doesn't suck and an apartment of my own in chicago. if i get that far, i'm pretty sure i can get some of the other things i want to fall into place, or at least be in a better position to make some things happen. maybe then i won't be as emotionally exhausted as i was when i wrote this back in october. i still stand by that post, though. it might've been some of the best writing i've done on the blog this year.

anyway...there's football on and there's a drink at my feet and i should pay attention to both of those before i call it a night. if i finish my 2012 faves playlist before i start celebrating nye, i'll post it - otherwise, i'll see y'all in 2013. :-)

still celebrating

i'll spare y'all the details of exactly how much alcohol i consumed last weekend. i will say, though, that this year's jubilee, so far, has been one of the best i've had in the past, oh, five years or so. a huge thank-you to any and all who helped me celebrate, even if it was just via happy birthday texts/calls/tweets. fanfuckingtastic, i tell you.

i'll be in the city tomorrow-wednesday for a catsitting gig, so if you're around and you wanna hang out, let me know. my current plans include going to brew & view tomorrow to see "flight." sunday after work, i'll be at burger bar trying their december burger special, which may or may not include wild boar and pork belly. you don't have to order it if you don't want to, obviously, but i am b/c i'm crazy like that.

safe travels to all who are hitting the road this weekend. :-)

see y'all in a few days...

i want to write about the shooting in connecticut and how i'm feeling about it as a non-parent and about how i can only imagine what parents must be feeling like right now. i also want to write about the changes in my life between my b-day last year and now. amidst all of that, there's a "hey, it's (almost) my birthday" post yearning to be free. suffice it to say that i can't really make sense of any of those post ideas, or any of the other 5011 ideas bouncing around in my head right now, and therefore i will spare y'all the brain dump for now. 

do me a favor, though. hug your loved ones extra tight after you read this. if you have children, give them a hug from me (which you should be doing anyway, but especially now). kthx.

updated all december everything list o'fun

36 in 7 days. to say that i'm excited would be a slight understatement. my b-day staycation has been booked, b-day brunch reservation has been made...things are shaping up kinda nicely. woo!

here's a updated list of what's on deck:

saturday 12/15 - brunch w/bff and a few other folks is still happening. my evening is still free as of this  writing, though i will likely be out somewhere drinking b/c, well, it's my b-day weekend and i'll drink if i want to.

sunday 12/16 - i'll be watching the bears game at the beer bistro on madison in the west loop. feel free to join me for 25-cent wings and delicious beer and football, if you're into those kinds of things.

thursday 12/20 - still planning on seeing "the world of extreme happiness" at the goodman. pretty sure tickets are still available. if you're going, let me know so we can attempt to link up before or after the show.

sunday 12/23 - dinner at burger bar on clybourn. their special burger for december involves wild boar and pork belly and therefore i am going to try it out b/c it's my b-day month so why not?

monday 12/24 - jesusjack! nothing says merry christmas like gambling on christmas eve, right? (don't answer that.)

oh, and for those of you keeping track, i found another 10 cents at work yesterday, which brings this month's found money total to $30.35 and counting. :-)

answer: $30.25 (and counting?)

question: how much money have i found since the beginning of december? like i needed another reason to love this time of year, right? :-)

this week i got to hang out with bff (woo!) and finally introduce her to the delicious wonder that is fried lobster (even more woo!). i found $20 of that $30.25 last night while i was waiting for the bus after work. i got to hang out with some of my favorite sister girlfriends while attending a friend's exhibit opening, and today i hung out with a couple of former co-workers and saw all kinds of cool arts and crafts at the one of a kind show.

next weekend? brunch and mimosas and football and more drinking and steak and more drinking and probably more fat girl happiness and yeah, more drinking. i still haven't decided on where i'm watching the bears game, but if i manage to do so before sunday, i'll let y'all know here.

i'm also thinking ahead and pondering the feasibility of hosting an inauguration day brunch. stay tuned.

tomorrow, though, i get to hope for a bears victory while praying that i continue resisting the urge to punch anyone in the face while at work (yayboo).

recipe review: red rice with sausage and peppers

happy tuesday! well, it wasn't so happy for me this afternoon/evening, b/c i was felled by a migraine just as i was leaving work and didn't manage to approach a sense of normalcy until damn near 7:30. i'm pretty sure my original plan for the evening was to work on job applications and then make dinner, but since i was actually quasi-hungry and since i knew i'd be spending at least a couple of hours "working," i decided to make dinner first.

there was a sale on smoked sausage at jewel and i knew i'd be buying 2 packages of it. one's in the freezer for the next time i decide to make smoked sausage and broccoli, and i decided i wanted to try something new for the other package. unsurprisingly enough, most of the recipes on my hard drive that involve smoked sausage are some variations of jambalaya or other rice-based dishes. i didn't want to go overboard with buying extra proteins like shrimp or chicken, so when i found this recipe, i figured i was on to something.

here's what i did: i made the rice last night b/c i had a bit of downtime and i knew i could just put it in the fridge until tonight. i used about, oh, 3 teaspoons of minced garlic. i cheated when i went to the store and bought a pre-chopped celery and onion mix, b/c i wasn't interested in buying a whole bunch of celery when i only needed one stalk. let's say that i used anywhere between 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of the celery/onion mix; i didn't measure it b/c i was just spooning it in from the container. i used regular diced tomatoes with the juice, and instead of salt/pepper, i used seasoned salt...maybe a tablespoon? i tend to eyeball when i'm adding seasoned salt.

verdict? decent enough. i might make it again if i had some leftover rice and some smoked sausage on hand. we'll see how i feel about the leftovers later this week. :-)

week in review, all december everything/celebratory happiness edition

ok, so the bears lost (sigh) and northwestern's mens' b-ball team lost to uic (double sigh), but fun was still had. as planned, i went to ellen's holiday party and then went to karaoke last night. holy crap i drank a lot of tequila. i still can't believe i woke up sober this morning. i mean, i started with costco tequila, so you'd think that would equal instant pain and suffering and all of the regrets, but no. hm. maybe i just need to drink more tequila? i think i can handle that.

anyway - saw a lot of folks at karaoke that i hadn't seen in months, and folks sang songs that they knew would make me laugh and/or entertain me to no end, and i'm totally counting those serenades as birthday presents. my manager at work actually gave me my first b-day present of the year on friday, which was unexpected and happily surprising. 

oh, and i found $10 while i was at karaoke last night, and i found a quarter while i was at work today. i win all of the things!

hope y'all had a good weekend. :-)

it's (almost) all december everything time!

i was going to post this on saturday, but then i realized that some of the celebratory-type things i'm doing are actually happening on saturday, and therefore i figured it'd be nice if y'all had a bit of a heads-up so you could plan schedules accordingly.

here's a partial list of events i have on deck for the next few weeks. i'm sure there will be updates/changes as december progresses, so stay tuned for details. if you'd like to join me for any of these shenanigans, please let me know so i can be on the lookout for you. wanna suggest something else? i'm open to that as well. most of these events are free (woo!) unless otherwise noted.

saturday 12/1 - if you're not already going to ellen's (insert holiday of your choice here) party, then you should join the karaoke-based fun at third coast comics that night. karaoke starts around 7, and i'll probably be there around 9-ish b/c i'm stopping by ellen's party first. yes, i actually sing at this karaoke party. i also drink as if i don't have to work the next day, but i do, so if you want to ply me with tequila that night, i'm cool with that. yes, i've already decided that tequila will be my drink of choice on saturday. blame rick bayless' new book - i read it yesterday and have had margaritas on the brain ever since.

monday 12/3 - i know nothing about cigars, and i know enough about scotch to know that i like drinking it, and that's why i'll be at this tweetup on monday evening. no, you don't have to actually have a twitter account to attend, but it helps. think of the new people you can meet! the cigars you can sample! and, of course, the scotch. mmm...scotch.

i should also note that radiothon 25 (!!!) starts on monday night. i have a message somewhere with more details and links for listening online and such, so let me know if you want/need that info.

thursday 12/6 - my friend veronica is working towards yet another degree, this time at the school of the art institute. she has an exhibit opening on thursday from 5:30-7p at the saic's sullivan galleries downtown.

saturday 12/15 - i'm having brunch with bff and a few other folks, but the rest of my afternoon and evening is free as of this writing. i heard a rumor about some sort of "night of 1000 santas" party/bar crawl happening that night, so i should probably buy a santa hat or something if that actually happens and i actually go.

sunday 12/16 - bears/packers. working on sundays has really cut into my football viewing this season, which is why i made sure to request this day off weeks ago. i don't know where i'm watching the game yet, though. i'm open to ideas that don't involve me ending up at a packers bar. :P

thursday 12/20 - i have a ticket for "the world of extreme happiness" at the goodman. tickets are still available as of this writing if you want in on some free theatre action.

you'll notice that my actual b-day (12/17, for those of you who might be new to this) isn't on the list. my current plan is to take myself out to dinner at primehouse (mmm...steak...) that night, and that's as far as i've gotten. i might (ok, probably will) need to recover from that weekend's shenanigans, so taking it easy is probably the wisest thing i can do. which, of course, means i will somehow plan on doing 29 other things that day.

recipe review: chicken and orzo skillet

i got a later-than-planned start on dinner tonight, but since i'd gone to the store yesterday and sketched out what i wanted to cook this week, i wasn't that worried. the menu for tonight called for a chicken and orzo skillet. i was dreading waiting for the water to boil for the orzo, until i realized that the house i'm living in right now has an electric kettle and therefore i had boiling water in about 5 minutes. woo!

of course i made a few changes/substitutions to my version: 1 large-ish tomato instead of 2 medium ones; 1 pound of boneless skinless chicken breasts (i had four and they were about 4oz each) instead of chicken breast halves; regular tomato paste instead of no-salt-added b/c i didn't specify the latter on my grocery list and just bought regular; a 6oz bag of baby spinach instead of 3 cups b/c there's no such thing as too much spinach, given its wilt factor; and a 4oz container of crumbled feta instead of the 3oz called for in the recipe b/c, well, feta is delicious.

verdict? as weird as this sounds coming from me, given my relative intolerance for spicy foods, the crushed red pepper saved this dish. as i was mixing in the spinach and feta at the end, i realized that the chicken wasn't seasoned and therefore i was worried about the flavor. i shouldn't have been. the red pepper added just enough kick to make this palatable. i'd probably make it again, but i'd use a larger skillet - i think i had a 10-inch skillet tonight and mixing in the orzo and spinach w/o having half of it spill out was challenging at best. and maybe i'll add some garlic, b/c, well, garlic also is delicious. just sayin'.