poetry mashup

i'm not quite sure why these poems were stuck in my head late last night, or why i started transposing lines from them as if i wanted to create the aforementioned mashup, but here they are:

We Wear the Mask
BY PAUL LAURENCE DUNBAR
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

Harlem
BY LANGSTON HUGHES
What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

i'd offer some sort of analysis, but i'm currently operating on ~5 hours of sleep and my brain isn't quite up for it at the moment. happy friday.

addressing the address situation

it should come as no surprise that, even in the midst of the insanity that is my life these days, i'm still actively looking for jobs. i remembered last week to pull my address and home phone from my resume and other job-search documents, and i still need to log into all of my various online application sites and change my info.

i noticed something during last week's job search, though: a fair number of sites require an address as part of their application process. for some of them, i was able to type "address available upon request" in the address field and made up a zip code of 60600. that doesn't work for all of them, though, so i went ahead and used my current address, my rationale being that it was technically my address at the time of my application, so all should be ok. besides, it's not as if most places send out old-fashioned rejection letters anymore, so as long as my other contact information (cell phone and email) are ok, i should be set.

this got me thinking, though. how does this process work for people who are, for lack of a better term at the moment, more housing-insecure than i am? how does, say, a woman temporarily staying at a shelter as safe haven from domestic violence apply for a job? or anyone else who's homeless? it's entirely possible that i'm over thinking this and that these groups of people are able to use some sort of alternate address when this issue arises. it's just something that occurred to me - maybe the universe decided i needed yet another "attitude of gratitude" reminder. i don't know. if i come up with anything else on this, i'll be sure to share.

recipe review: lamb and chickpea chili

my "recipe roundups" will be going on hiatus until my living situation is a bit more stable. that said, i wanted to give a quick review of the one recipe i've tried out since my last roundup:

lamb and chickpea chili

substitutions/additions - i used all ground turkey instead of 1/2 lamb and 1/2 turkey, b/c i had a pound of ground turkey in the freezer that i needed to use before the move anyway. i used chili powder instead of harissa b/c no way am i going to voluntarily spend money on something super-spicy. oddly enough, though, i also added a dash of crushed red pepper toward the end of cooking.

you know how chili tastes better the longer it sits? it's true for this recipe as well. it was decent the first night, but by day 3? omg amazing. the texture's a bit weird b/c, well, there's chickpeas involved and none of the chili i normally consume has chickpeas in it, but don't let that stop you from trying it. unless you have texture issues, in which case feel free to ignore this recipe's existence. for those of you with a higher tolerance for spicy food (which, i assume, is everyone else on the planet b/c we all know i'm a wimp w/r/t spicy food) - i'd love it if you tried this with the harissa (or maybe more chili powder/cayenne) and told me how it turned out.

bon appetit!

oh, vh1, you've done it again

pop-up video + chapter 1 of "trapped in the closet" = comedy. now if we can get vh1 to give the pop-up video treatment to all 22 chapters...

R. Kelly - Pop Up Video - Trapped in the Closet Chapter 1 (Pop Up Video) - Free Music Videos

my dear miss brooks

if you've ever heard me talk about my undying love for gwendolyn brooks, then you know that i was way too excited when i saw this photo on sjb's tumblr. of course i had to share it with y'all, b/c that's just the kind of girl i am. :-)

paying it forward?

i was walking home from dominick's earlier and a woman approached me to ask if she could bother me for a moment. i had a few minutes to spare, so i stopped to listen. you've heard a version of the spiel before, i'm sure: single mom, didn't want to go into a store and steal something b/c she knew god wouldn't approve, just looking for some help so she can feed her kids, etc.

i almost always say no when people ask me for money, if for no other reason than my cashflow hasn't been very positive lately. if someone asks me for food, though, i'll offer to go to the store with them so they can buy a few things. most folks turn the offer down, but this woman didn't. off we went to aldi.

she was so grateful and couldn't figure out why i'd stopped. i couldn't pinpoint it immediately, either, but after i paid for her groceries, gave her the hug she asked for, and started walking home, i figured some of it out:

1) the woman reminds me of an older version of my friend tiff. seriously. similar facial structure, similar sounding voices...it was a bit uncanny.

2) i found $20 while walking home last night. i bought an instant lottery ticket while i was at dominick's and won $2 (technically $1, since i paid $1 for the ticket), so i suppose i was feeling a bit generous.

3) the universe and i have been having a bit of fun lately w/r/t me being open to new experiences/changes/etc.

as i'm writing this, reasons 1 and 3 are really sticking out for me. obviously, the fact that i'm, relatively speaking, down on my luck at the moment (read all about that here if you haven't already), also might've weighed into my decision. i don't regret it, though.

i can't stop laughing at this

vh1's "pop-up video" is back (woo!), and one of the 1st videos to get the pop-up treatment on this season is lauryn hill's "ex-factor." if you follow me on twitter, then you probably know that i tend to refer to lauryn as #mshillifyourecrazy. (what? we all know i'm bitchy like that!)

but anyway...the level of pop-up snark for this video has left me damn near in tears. i've laughed so hard that my stomach hurts. therefore, i decided that such comedic genius (imo, anyway - y'all might think it's utter bullshit and that's totally ok) had to be shared. here you go:

Lauryn Hill - Pop Up Video - Ex-Factor (Pop Up Video) - Free Music Videos

september: a recap of sorts

91 job applications. 4 interviews. 1 eviction notice and 2 court dates (update on that here). zero job offers. countless hours of college and pro football viewed. copious amounts of booze and chocolate consumed. ok, so that last one is pretty much a monthly occurrence, but you get my point. i'd tell you how many books i read, but since i track them by quarter and not by month, i can't give you an exact figure.

suffice it to say that there were quite a few times when i wanted to punch september in the face. yes, i know it's a month and not an animate object. i also know that 2011 is a year and not an animate object, and yet i want to beat the everloving shit out of 2011 on new year's eve. it hasn't been an easy year, let me tell you, and september definitely was not a pleasant month.

it wasn't all epic fail, though. i got to hang out and/or reconnect with some of y'all, which is always nice. i met some new people at my volunteer gig (i swear i will do a post about this on my other site before the end of october). overall, things could be a lot worse, etc., etc. although i don't really want or need to find out just how much worse things could get, mind you.

and now i will leave you with 2 of the songs that have been stuck in my head all weekend:

grab a tissue...

i found out today that a friend's grandmother died earlier this week. i asked my friend how she and her family were coping - the grandmother had been suffering from a long-term illness, but obviously there's still grief and other assorted emotions when you lose a loved one. she told me that it wasn't until they were at the cemetery that her family realized that the grandmother 1) was being buried in her wedding dress; 2) being laid to rest next to her late husband; and 3) this was happening on what would've been the grandparents' 63rd wedding anniversary.

i am not ashamed to admit that i got a little teary when my friend told me that, and i promise not to judge you if it suddenly got a little dusty wherever you are while reading this. :-)

i love y'all. happy friday.

a cross-posting of sorts

i posted an update on my other site earlier today, so y'all can just go ahead and read that if you haven't already. have a good evening.

o hai.

i'm not being quiet on purpose...it just kinda happened that way. my bad. i did an update on my other site last week and there's not been much else to report. when that changes, i'll be sure to let y'all know, either here and/or on my other site. hopefully it'll be good news. stay tuned.

more fun with faith

before i went to bed on saturday night, i decided that i'd go to evening service at 1st c. on sunday. my original plan was to go to 11am service, but the bears fan in me just had to watch the game. (yeah, i know - mistake #1.)

anyway, after the game was over, i had to re-convince myself that yes, i was going to church and yes, i needed to change clothes and no, i didn't need to stay home and watch nfl red zone and yeah, it was raining but c'mon. so i got changed, turned off the tv, and off i went...only to discover that there was no one at church. i can think of 2 reasons why this would happen on a sunday when 1st c. is normally scheduled to have an evening service: either bishop got invited to preach somewhere else that afternoon/evening, or bishop made the decision during morning service to cancel evening services.

i came back home in enough time to see sunday night football (how insane was that game? also, mike kafka! woo!), and before i went to sleep, i decided to do a little bible reading to make up for the fact that i didn't make it to church, hadn't been to church at all this month, and probably won't go next week b/c i'm a football lover with heathen tendencies. so i turned off nfl gameday final, grabbed one of my bibles, and started flipping to random passages. nothing was really jumping out at me until my fourth passthrough, when i almost fell out of my bed after reading this commentary from joyce meyer:

Do you need provision in an area of your life, and you are not really sure where it is going to come from? Be encouraged because in Psalm 111:5, God promises to provide for those who "reverently and worshipfully fear him." As long as we worship God, we are going to have his provisions.

Perhaps you have been told that you are going to lose your job or housing. Maybe you are elderly and living on a pension or Social Security, and you wonder what is going to happen to you in the future. You see prices on everything rising all the time and the devil whispers in your ear, "You are not going to have enough to live on." Or maybe the figures just do not add up; your income simply is not enough to support you, and yet you are doing all you know to do.

Whatever the reason for you concern about your provision, mark Psalm 111:5 in your bible. Meditate on it and even memorize it, because it holds the key to having your need met. That way when a need arises in your life, you will have hidden the word of God in your heart, and it will strengthen you and help you remain in faith rather than fear.

Believe God's word when He says He gives food and provision to those who reverently fear Him and worship Him. Whatever your situation may be, God will provide for you as you continue to worship and magnify Him.

Worship is actually fun and energizing; worry makes our hearts heavy and causes a loss of joy. Do not worry; worship and See God provide your every need.

if you've been keeping up with current events in my life, then you'll probably understand why this struck such a chord with me. so of course i had to read psalm 111:5 to see what the commentary was referring to. here's the amplified bible translation:

"He has given food and provision to those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever and imprint it [on His mind]."

now, i'm not saying that this is going to be my magical ace-in-the-hole when i go to court on wednesday morning. i honestly don't know what's going to happen between now and then, and i have been trying to be ok with not knowing. it hasn't been easy, though. there have been periods of time during the past week where i've had this sinking feeling in my stomach and couldn't stop shaking b/c i was so nervous and stressed out. i actually had one of those moments sunday before i left on my relatively pointless journey, and no, it wasn't b/c of the bears game. (sigh.)

i read that passage a half-dozen times last night, and as cliched as it sounds, i really did feel a sense of peace by the time i was done. will this peace last? i don't know. does this mean the judge will give me more time to get my financial act together so i won't be evicted? no idea. all i can do is all i've been preparing to do - show up, explain my situation based on the advice i received from an attorney, and see what happens.

i was cleaning my bathroom earlier this morning and this song popped into my head, almost as a cosmic reminder of what i'd read last night:

i know not everyone shares my belief and/or my faith. that's more than ok with me. believe (or don't believe) in whatever works for you. i just figured i'd share this with y'all b/c, well, it's my blog and if i can't put it here, then something's seriously wrong. :P

i'm pretty sure i know where the time flew off to...

despite my overwhelming desire for a nap, i went to a reception hosted by my graduate alma mater tonight. hooray for free wine and cheese! i met the new dean for the school of business and a couple of staff members, and reconnected with 2 of my favorite professors. one of them kept looking at the graduation year on my nametag b/c he couldn't believe it'd been that long since i'd been in his class. never mind that loyola thinks i graduated in 2005 and not in 2004. and then i met some current students and i managed not to scare them out of the program, so that was my good deed for the evening.

but it hit me a little while ago while i was reading an email about this year's nu homecoming: i finished grad school 7 (!) years ago. i graduated from northwestern 13 (!!) years ago. i'll be 35 (!!!) in 3 months. i still don't feel old enough to be able to point to a decade-plus of my life and say that i've known most of y'all for that long, but it's true. it's weird, but true. i can't be the only one freaked out by this concept, and if i am, i fully expect quasi-mockage in the comments. :-)

it's a funny thing, how faith works sometimes...

i promise y'all that i have been trying not to get super crazy stressed about the chaos that is my life right now. it's not easy, though.

but then i listen to a song like this:

and things don't seem quite as horrific as they are. ok, maybe "horrific" is overstating it a bit, but still.

honestly, i listened to that song about 20 minutes ago and it really does feel like some of the weight has been taken off of my shoulders. not that i still don't have things to worry about, but sometimes a temporary reprieve is good. just sayin'. :-)

an anniversary of a different sort

my last day of full-time employment was september 12, 2008. when i voluntarily left that job, i had no idea that i'd be un(der)employed for three years. hell, i wasn't really planning on being un(der)employed for longer than a year, but that's obviously besides the point now.

as dire as my situation is right now, i don't regret quitting that job. it was time for me to leave. having a dream about getting fired and then being really upset when that dream didn't come true was the last in a series of signs that i needed. most of my former co-workers have moved on. the ones who are left are miserable, overworked, and underpaid. this stupid work ethic of mine wouldn't have allowed me to just phone it in after i'd gotten fed up.

to say that a lot of things have happened that i didn't plan for would be an understatement. here's a few:

--troy getting laid off about a month after i'd quit my job (remember that period of time when urbantherapy was 100% unemployed?)

--relying on babysitting gigs for income once my freelance projects dried up

--james dying

--troy & i getting divorced

--still being on the job market

--having to be very strategic about which bills are going to be paid and when

--getting served with eviction papers

don't get me wrong. it hasn't been all gloom and doom during the past 3 years, although the past few months have certainly been depressing as all get out. i've made new friends, reconnected with old friends, read a LOT of books, become even more thrifty than i already was...i'm sure there's things i'm forgetting but you get the point.

so here i am, 3 years later, hoping to hear about a job i interviewed for last week (and yes, i did send thank-you notes), praying for a miracle that lets me stay here in casa de eulalia for at least a little bit longer, and thankful that i still have outlets like this blog to get some shit off my chest. now if i can only scrounge up enough $ to pay comcast so i can keep my interwebz on...

no, this isn't a 9/11 observation post

although given my current state, i kinda wish it was. go read this and you'll see what i mean.

that is all.

recipe roundup - 9/9 edition

(9/9 referring to today's date, not to any sort of ranking)

y'all should know the drill by now: i link to recipes i've tried out and note any changes/substitutions. assume everything was delicious (or, at a minimum, worth trying again at least once), and, in the rare case where i disliked something, i try to explain why.

got it? ok. bon appetit.

--green beans and friends: i added some minced garlic (1-2 cloves, maybe?) b/c, well, i had garlic on hand and it seemed like a good idea. you could omit the bacon if you wanted to make this a vegetarian dish.

--roasted lemon chicken with red grapes: i'm not entirely convinced that you need the teaspoon of sugar called for in this. the sweetness of the grapes, especially once they've roasted, should be more than enough. if you make this & try skipping the sugar, come back and let me know how it turned out.

--bacon cinnamon rolls: this are as insane as you think they are. i need to adjust the cooking time the next time i make these, though, b/c they came out a bit more brown and crisp than i would've liked. also, make sure that you don't overcook the bacon - it needs to be pliable enough to not break when you roll up the dough.

--all-purpose spice rub: you probably have most, if not all, of the ingredients for this in your kitchen cabinet/spice rack/pantry/wherever you keep spices. do yourself a favor: make this rub, put it in a resealable container, and use it on damn near anything. to date, i've used this rub on fried pork chops (both on the chops themselves and in the flour to coat them), slow-cooker ribs, oven-fried catfish, and baked chicken wings. i actually made another batch of this rub the other day just so i'd have some on hand.

--honey-glazed chicken: a link for this recipe has to exist somewhere, but damned if i can find it right now. i clipped it from a recent (read: within the past 4 months) issue of real simple. i'm writing this post while in bed and i am too lazy at the moment to go find the hard copy of my recipe, but my notes say that i used drumsticks & thighs instead of a whole cut-up chicken. i'll edit this if/when i find the link.

--honey balsamic green beans: i know we're all shocked when paula deen gives us a recipe that's relatively healthy. of course i had to "ruin" this one by using approximately 2 1/2 teaspoons of honey, instead of the 1 tsp. called for in the recipe. i stand my decision, though, b/c these were delicious. i had these with the aforementioned honey-glazed chicken. nomtastic.

--roasted sausage and grapes: i used a tablespoon of dried thyme instead of fresh. i'm sure the flavor of the thyme would've been more intense if i'd used fresh, but i think it turned out ok. oh, and the pack of italian sausage i used was about 1 1/2 pounds, but it had 6 larger sausages instead of the 8 small ones called for in the recipe - i probably added 3-5 minutes to the cooking time listed just to make sure they were cooked through.

and now, your moment of "wtf?"

this ignorance came across my twitter timeline earlier today and it left me damn near speechless. i mean, there are so many things wrong with this statement.

my take on this: i'm 34. i've been sexually active since i was 17, and have been on some variation of the pill since i was 18. i've used plan b once (and allow me to remind everyone that plan b IS NOT AN ABORTION PILL KTHX). i've never had an abortion, although i have friends who have and guess what? they're still my friends.

anyway...it's maddening enough when random guys i encounter on the cta or walking down the street are surprised, if not damn near horrified, to discover that i don't have kids and really don't want any. (that's really a rant for a different day.) i don't need another woman implying that there's something wrong with me, or any woman, if i've made it past the ripe old age of 25 without having 5 abortions. that's just dumb. another reminder: a desire for motherhood or lack thereof doesn't make you any more or any less than a woman.

the previously linked bullshit also ignores women who use birth control, women who are choosing to be celibate/abstinent or who are virgins, lesbians, women with reproductive issues...i'm sure i'm leaving a group out, and for that i apologize.

and yes, i know i'm preaching to the choir, b/c you're sensible and logical (most of the time) and it's one of the many reasons why i love y'all, but damned if i didn't need to get this shit off my chest right quick fast. carry on.

this is too great not to share...

freddie mercury + google doodle = 1:38 of awesomeness. see for yourself:



via sjb

eta the muppets' version of bohemian rhapsody, b/c why the hell not? you know you wanna watch it again.

labor day and unemployment

i read this morning that the unemployment rate in august remained steady at 9.1 percent. for the record, i've been trying to do my part to change that statistic. you saw my post about my applying for more than 100 jobs last month, right? no? you haven't been reading my other blog? well, consider this your special invitation. it, and all the other sites in my linkorama list, are there for your reading pleasure.

anyway...it's labor day weekend and i'd be a lot more excited about it if, you know, i actually had a job. although i did apply for a dozen jobs this morning, so i suppose i can celebrate that. :-)

have a good weekend!