9/27 7:19pm
"don't read the comments. ever." i occasionally break this rule and i almost immediately regret it every time. people are terrible and internet comments bring out the worst of the worst, so i try to avoid the comment section whenever possible.
i also try to avoid watching footage of police encounters gone horribly awry - beatings, shootings, murders, etc. i personally gain nothing from seeing that on screen. it upsets me. it was hard enough watching "fruitvale station" and "the black panthers: vanguard of the revolution" (to name a couple) in theaters. i knew how these stories ended and i still found myself in tears and kicking the seat in front of me out of sheer frustration.
needless to say, i try to turn my head or leave the room altogether if quasi-landlord's watching tv and there's video of the latest police shooting(s). i don't post them. i keep scrolling whenever they make it into my feed. i don't need to pay that kind of witness. i do not gain strength from watching them. it saps me of what little strength i have left on any given day.
i went to a lecture tonight and there was a short film as part of the presentation. footage from various police shooting and other altercations was included in the film. the tears started flowing before i could even think of keeping it together.
i'm writing this on the train ride home and while my eyes are dry for now, my head hurts and my heart is heavy and i feel like a goddamn broken record because sweet jesus haven't we had enough? haven't we endured enough? haven't we been through enough even though we're not considered to be enough?
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