i saw a tweet that asked people what song(s) reminded them of their parents. answering this for my mother is easy - the theme from "m*a*s*h." no, really. apparently she disliked that show so much that whenever it came on, one of us had to run over to the tv and change the channel immediately. i still have a somewhat visceral reaction when i hear that theme song that i find myself turning away from it, whether it be changing the channel or hitting skip on a music player or whatever.
answering this for my father, however, is way more difficult. i'm not sure i could narrow our musical memories down to a single song. music was almost always playing in the background during my childhood. one of my brothers played drums at church every sunday and there was almost always a radio on. i remember daddy going through a country phase in the late 80s/early 90s and i made what is to date my only country album purchase as a gift for him for christmas or his birthday.
when daddy, james, and i would all be home together, there would almost always be three different songs playing. james had the run of the basement with his stereo system, i had a stereo (with a record player and a 8-track b/c hand-me-downs weren't just for clothes) in my room, and daddy had his setup in his bedroom. r&b or smooth jazz would be on james' system, i'd have a radio station on, and daddy would more than likely be listening to gospel or blues, having passed through his country phase.
what i can appreciate is that daddy never yelled at us to turn off that "rappity rap" or anything along those lines. at least, i can't remember such a thing happening. my brothers might remember differently but maybe he mellowed out by the time i came along. obviously he had some opinions on what i was listening to since i was still a minor and omg won't someone please think of the children, but there was never a flat-out dismissal. wait, i take that back. wkkc would play gospel on sundays until about 3pm and then switch over to house music. if we were in the car when that shift change happened, daddy would flip to another gospel station because he didn't want to hear "secular" music during the day on sundays. sunday nights were ok, somehow, but whatever. i knew i could turn on the radio in my room and have a dance party and not worry about daddy coming in yelling at me to turn it off.
besides, who else would ask one of their girlfriends to take their daughter to the budweiser superfest at soldier field? i was still in high school and i can't remember if daddy had to work or if he just didn't want to go, but there i was with his lady friend, doing the humpty dance and making friends with other folks sitting nearby.
when i'd come home from northwestern and it was just the two of us, there'd still be two stereos blaring and possibly the tv, if i was watching videos (yes, boys and girls, there was a time when music videos actually played on tv on a regular basis. i didn't always like what daddy played and being the know-it-all teenager i was, i'd voice my loud and probably wrong opinion. i'm sure he hated a good chunk of whatever i was into at that point, but if he judged it, he kept to himself.
road trips were fun because it was my job to change radio stations until i found something we could both agree on that wasn't full of static. this was also where we'd catch up on somewhat deep conversations that we hadn't had at home for whatever reason(s). it was on one of those trips that daddy told me that my mother had cancer and hadn't died of a heart attack as i'd believed for years. i don't remember my immediate reaction but i remember thinking later that he thought i was old enough to handle it and being proud that he thought so highly of me.
don't get me wrong. there are certain songs that could start playing right now and i will immediately think of my father. i think one of the biggest gifts he gave me was to listen to the music and not dismiss it outright, and for that, i am thankful.
happy father's day, daddy. you're still missed and i'm still grateful that i'm your daughter. i'm sorry the musical selection in heaven's improved the way it has so far this year.
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