to thank or to donate?

one of my guilty pleasures, if you must call it that, is reading both the "social q's" and the "modern love" columns in the new york times every week. i just read both columns for this coming sunday (thanks, technology!) and one of the letters in the "social q's" gave me enough pause that i had to share it with y'all.

We received a mass email from the parents of a 5-year-old girl, whose birthday party my daughter attended and to which she brought a gift. It said: “(redacted) had a wonderful time at her birthday party. In lieu of thank-you notes for your gifts, we are making a charitable donation in the name of (redacted)'s preschool class.” What?!

Anonymous, (city)

Agreed: that is one wacky email. The time for doing something charitable here was before the party — in lieu of gifts — when you and the other parents were racing all over town trying to find mini-Miele vacuum cleaners and other accessories for Barbie’s Malibu Dream House. The birthday girl’s parents are free to make whatever charitable donations they like. But 5 is old enough for drawing thank-you pictures or dictating notes (and she should get on them pronto).

i had no idea this was hot in the streets! i've not experienced this, primarily b/c i haven't been to a kid's birthday party in a while (stupid work schedule getting in the way of my fun), but i'm inclined to agree with the columnist in that the time for being charitable is doing that whole "in lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to xyz charity" on the invites.

i can't even pretend to understand. when did it become ok to skip thank-you notes and make a charitable donation instead? parents - is this a thing? has this happened to you? how do you feel about it? would you do something like this? why/why not?