stop reading if you've heard these

james has been on my mind a lot lately. i don't necessarily think that he's trying to communicate with me from heaven or the great beyond or whatever afterlife you may or may not believe in, but there's definitely...something. i can't quite put my finger on it, and i'm not inclined to put forth that much effort into solving the puzzle.

some of the memories popped up late last week when #10confessions popped up as a trending topic on twitter. i started thinking about doing a post about 10 confessions, but then i remembered i'd done that whole "25 things you don't know about me" meme a while back, so i was just going to repost that. so then i started thinking about confessions/memories related to northwestern, b/c it's senior week and it seemed appropriate.

for instance...did you know that james paid for my northwestern class ring? he called me one day senior year, not long after i'd picked the ring out and charged it to my amex card. he asked how things were going, and i mentioned the ring to him. he sounded devastated when i told him i'd paid for it already (ok, not technically paid for, but, y'know) and he damn near demanded to know how much it was. next time i saw him, he gave me a check for the full amount of the ring. i tried to turn him down, but he was pretty adamant about it.

i know that doesn't sound like much, but considering that i almost didn't make it back to northwestern for my senior year, it meant (and still means) a lot to me.

yes, folks, that's another confession. i was *thisclose* to leaving northwestern. after daddy died during junior year, james was the one in charge of handling the estate and taking care of bills. daddy had set up a payment plan for the portion of tuition/room & board that wasn't covered by loans and grants, and luckily that had been taken care of for the year. senior year, though, was up in the air. daddy didn't have life insurance (note: my policy, coincidentially enough, is through northwestern's alumni association), and money was tighter than usual.

when my financial aid package came in, there was a sizable gap between what loans/grants/work-study covered and what i'd be responsible for. well, what james and i would be responsible for. even on the 9-month payment plan, there was no way that amount was feasible. at all. even if i moved back "home" and cut out room/board, there was no way we'd be able to make it work.

thus began my summer of "stalking" the financial aid office. i was working on campus, so it wasn't much of a stretch to walk over and plead my case on a monthly basis. or was it bi-weekly? i don't really remember. what i do remember was me pleading my case to the financial aid officer. i played every card i could think of. the "i'm an orphan" card. the "it'd mean so much to graduate on time" card. the "i've worked so hard and i don't wanna dropout" card. the "do you want me to be another minority statistic?" card. yeah, i went there. i didn't care. i begged for more work-study, more loans, more grants...whatever would lessen the out-of-pocket burden.

and it worked. the details are sketchy at this point, but my expected contribution came down to a slightly more tolerable level. it'd still be a stretch for me and james, but we'd make it work. and we did. and i graduated, and here i am. this story would have a much happier ending if i was employed right now, but oh well.

i have 1 or 2 more northwestern-related confessions, but i'll save those for another post. there's at least one more james-related memory that's been on my mind lately, but, again, another post. and yes, i'll post the 25 things here, probably before the week is out.