revisited: 25 things

[note: this was originally posted on urbantherapy. i've made a few edits and changed the order of a couple of things, but the bulk of the content is the same, so if you read this previously, feel free to skip it this time around.]

1. i’m a loner by nature. i put a v. high premium on having time to myself. it stems from having v. little time to myself while growing up and just wanting...no, needing time/space for me to do whatever i wanted. as extroverted as i am, there are definitely times when i just want to sit at home and read a book/watch tv/sleep/do nothing. having that kind of time is one of the very few bonuses of being out of work right now.

2. i made a declaration when i was 12 or 13 that i wasn’t going to have kids, and i plan on standing by that declaration. people find it slightly odd when they realize that yes, i really do love children and would probably make a decent mom. i just have no interest whatsoever in having children of my own.

3. i moved in with my brother and his family when i was 9 and didn’t move out until i graduated from high school. during those years, i stayed with my father on weekends and holidays, assuming that my behavior passed muster for the week. it sucked. imagine having to ask to spend a weekend with your father, knowing that the answer v. well could be no.

4. living with and having lots of responsibility for my niece and nephew during those years is the number one reason why i don’t want to have kids. i was the one getting them up and out the door in the mornings, making sure they did homework, making their lunches, getting their outfits together for school...and oh yeah, i still had my chores to do around the house and homework to get done. that sucked, too.

5. my career ambition from 2nd grade until freshman year of college was to become a lawyer. you can imagine how confused my family was when i switched to communication studies. given my current un(der)employment status, you might think i'd have regrets about not going to law school. i don't.

6. speaking of regrets...i have two of them about college: not continuing spanish classes after freshman year, and not finding a way to study abroad. i'd be fluent and i'd have at least one stamp on my passport.

7. i spent the evening of my 17th birthday being v. depressed, v. angry, and damn near suicidal. i wrote a poem/suicide note about missing my mom and wanting to be with her in heaven. obv. i didn’t go through with it. i vaguely remember not being able to find enough pills to pop.

8. i tried out for the pom-pom squad in 8th grade. i didn’t make the cut. i think it was b/c i couldn’t do splits.

9. still can’t do splits. i have a mental block against them. no, seriously.

10. after my mom died when i was 7, i lived with my mom’s best friend and her family for 2 years before moving in with my brother.

11. i was about 8 or so and was practicing splits (fuck if i know why) in the living room at my mom’s friend’s house. a male friend of my mom’s friend was over and decided to be my cheerleading coach. um, let’s just say that some improprieties occurred and then practice was over.

12. i managed to block that memory until i was about 15.

13. on a lighter note...i started reading when i was 2. i was about 2 and a half when my mom took me to the doctor b/c i wasn’t talking yet and she was worried. the doctor told her that i was too busy reading and that i’d talk when i was good and ready. growing up, my brothers liked to joke that i started talking and haven’t shut up since. somewhere there’s a picture of me reading the phone book. apparently everyone laughed until they realized i was holding it right side up and turning pages.

14. i can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. there are whole segments of “family” and at least one "friend" that i haven’t talked to in years b/c of past transgressions.

15. i can’t swim. it’s another mental block — my ex-stepmother decided it'd be a good idea to have one of my cousins throw me in the pool. it didn't work. that's one of the myriad reasons why i have an ex-stepmother in the first place.

16. i look like my mother (and james) but am a daddy’s girl at heart. yes, i'm a grown-ass woman and my father's been dead for 14 years, but i still think of myself as a daddy's girl. so be it.

17. one of my ex-stepbrothers used to be a bodyguard for michael jackson.

18. i once won a poetry contest sponsored by gwendolyn brooks. i think there were 20 winners total. my hair looks a hot mess in the photos. two words: crimping iron.

19. i auditioned for ‘rent’ in 1999. i made it through the first 2 prelim rounds and got cut in the final prelim. i was just proud of myself for making it that far, esp. since i was singing a cappella.

20. i never learned how to ride a bike. no mental block there — it just never happened.

21. i have permanent tan lines on my upper arms. i’ve had them for as long as i can remember.

22. i’m scared of having my genes tested b/c i already know how bad they are. at every checkup, my doctor offers to give me a referral and i pass every time b/c i don’t need to have concrete details on how screwed my health is now/will be in future.

23. i’ve never had a broken bone.

24. or a pet.

25. or allergies. bonus!

26. out of all the people i went to elementary, junior high, and high school with, i only keep in regular contact with one of them. frankly, it’s worked out better that way.